January 25, 2009

Not Original-but 25 Random Things About ME

25 Random Things About Me

As I have crowned myself the Unofficial Queen of Random, this should be easy enough...Although, I don't think you all care to know THIS much about me.

1. I have an unGodly amount of lipgloss. Embarrassed really to even ATTEMPT to tell you how many. Suffice to say that I could apply lipgloss one hundred times a day to myself and a few friends (odd visual, but whatever) every day for the rest of my life and still have enough left over to shine the lips of a professional cheer squad or the Pussy Dolls,a bevy of exotic dancers or a team of Drag Queens (all eerily related somehow) for the rest of theirs...

2. I am not sure if it is the retired cheerleader in me still needing to take the stage every now and then, or what...but I adore "singing" karaoke-loudly and badly. Some of my favorite songs to lovingly butcher with my tone deaf renderings are ...These Boot Are Made For Walkin', One Way or Another, Hit Me With Your Best Shot and anything by Brittany Spears...because REALLY hard to do any damage to "I'm a Slave For You" ...

3. On the same note as number two (teehee number two) I can dance a mean bar or table if the moon is right and I haven't been out in many months...it works in my favor if I am not wearing heels in these situations-I am just not THAT coordinated. Did I mention my beloved sister in law Amber (who needs to get on fb already) accompanied me to Coyote Ugly for my birthday to do just that? I am not ashamed.

4. In high school I got a sultry peck from Jamie Walters, the "How Do I Talk to an Angel" guy that dated Kelly on 90210...heehee...sure I am one random girl on a long unsophisticated list. On second thought, it was just a kiss-who am I kidding? I am not on any list... I am not bragging here...:0)

5. On my last day of high school Barry Bonds decided to whack me in the forehead with a foul ball. LOVELY! If you have met me, you know that A-Of course I didn't have a glove and B-Catching it would have not been an option if I had-so why bother with A. I have awards banquet pictures where my eye is purple to match my dress to prove it. Tried to tone it down with purple shadow like it was intentional...but it is an eyeshadow brush, not a wand.

6. I will not share milk products or anything with pulp. Not even with Chris (my husband), or the kiddos...I will share-but then I pull a Becky Shrepple and say "Oh just keep it." And I don't like to sit down right after someone else gets up. Butt Warmth is creepy.

7. As if I need to S-P-E-L-L it out...did I mention I have a touch of OCD (informally diagnosed of course)...kind of like having a tiny bit of a deadly virus...:0). Mostly I have weird idiosyncrasies and phobias-I don't wash my hair fifty times a day, or make my kids change into clean clothes in the closet when they get home...I just have a million lip glosses, need to have doors and cabinets shut when not in use and have an odd fixation with the number seven and its' multiples...(blushing-it's okay I know it's weird).

8. I know all the words (or 92.95%) to atleast five musicals: Grease, Rent , Cabaret, Evita and Chicago and about 70% of five or so more. LOVE musicals! Saw Producers on Broadway...(of course Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane were on sabbatical as my "luck" would have it). However the charming Steven Weber from Wings and now Brothers and Sisters was in it-and I met him...he is lovely.

9. I have an autographed picture of Harry Connick Junior because I mailed a cheesy poem to his fan club...this was YEARS ago, but don't let it kid you-I'd do it again tomorrow.

10. I LOVE red.

11. I ADORE New York City.

12. I am determined to make a pilgrimage to Graceland before I die.

13. Coca-Cola is my beverage of choice...or Cherry Coke. Please don't offer me Pepsi-it could get ugly. My RIGHT to choose and I get hostile when I don't have options.:0)

14. I get emotionally involved in Broncos football-even though I don't get to watch it much these days and we have season tickets. Was teary for days when Mike Shanahan got booted. Boo!

15. I have had a stuffed dog named Toto since my mom received him at my baby shower. I don't sleep with him (anymore), but just can't give him up...

16. "Man can not live on bread alone" but I COULD live on chips and salsa.

17. I am gloriously non-domestic...just how I am wired.

18. I would love to travel more. In the United States and abroad. Greece, Italy and Spain top my list...although I am currently making no real efforts to get to any of them.

19. If I watch a show loyally, it is likely to be cancelled. Here is my shout out to October Road and What About Brian...whoop whoop

20. I am ridiculously loyal. This does not just apply to friends and family...but to the New Kids on the Block, Harry Connick Junior, 90210 and anything and anyone else I have devoted any real time to.

21. I talk to strangers. Candy or no..

22. I too sing random songs throughout the day and put my kids names in them.

23. I have two published poems and was written up in a optometry book for being one of the earliest cases to be treated with contact lenses...I was two...impressive, I know (;0) )

24. I can't find my way out of a paper bag...but I can find any item in my delightedly disorganized home.

25. I am distracted by shiny things...like Edward Cullen..and jewelry...who am I kidding? blinking lights, glitter...

Your turn. Shoot

January 20, 2009

Kids- Smarter Than You Think

Okay so I mentioned before that I have two kids. Mentioned in my last post that they don't always play nice. They are adorable and sweet...they are funny, dramatic, imaginative, playful and smart. Very SMART...like little mischievous Master Minds. They could be Batman Villains-except MUCH too cute and THANKFULLY no bizarre disfiguring experiences! (i.e. Joker, Two Face, etc.)

So I mentioned in the Playing Nice...? blog-that my son will be like a quiet little storm and then break lose like Hurricane Jasper (are the Js next?) when I get on the phone for business. Well this was a bit like that-with a twist.

So this is how it went down-

Me: Mommy needs to get on the phone for a minute and I am going in the other room, so you two need to play nice (just like the last blog) and keep it down. okay?

Little Evil Genius'/ Cherubs: Okay Mommy (chattering about super heroes and playing tea party on the step stool in the bathroom)

I go into the kitchen and dial the phone. I am in the middle of leaving a message when I hear my daughter sobbing in the other room. So I cover the mouth piece and end my call...running into the bathroom as fast as I can.

Me: Freaking Out a Bit: WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?

Little Girl Evil Genius (holding face, still sobbing): He hit me on my head, ears and face.

I kiss the Sweet Crying Baby and turn to the Offending Offspring.

Me: Why did you do that to your sister?

LEG: I don't know.

Me: Yes you do, Why did you smack your sister down?

LEG: I don't know...(this time with less certainty)

Me sensing that the Bad Mommy Cop act is working and I have him where I want him, continue...


LEG: (Looks at me and then at his sister and then mumbles)...Because I wanted you to get off the phone.

Enough said.

Something I always suspected...figured I was using my Freshman Year Psychoanalyzing Skills-Had absolutely NO idea that he was fully aware of the reasoning behind his actions...

He is five.

Adorable Evil Geniuses...I tell you.

*Thanks to Tia of CGGB for giving me a format idea for the conversation aspect of this blog -Hope she doesn't mind...

January 7, 2009

Playing Nice...?

"And you had BETTER play nice"

How many times has this command been directed at each of us in our lifetime...and how many times have we imposed this impossible expectation on those to whom we are closest?

As a mom-I say this ALL the time. My son (especially) and my daughter (often) do NOT play nice...not with each other, not with my husband and I, and sometimes not with other people's kids...or um...ANYONE-it seems.

My son does not share well...unless it is completely of his own accord and in these cases he is actually (tearing up) VERY sweet and thoughtful...(to be continued...)HOWEVER-if he is forced to share (that doesn't sound right)against his will-for example, another child takes something he is playing with or his sister has something that belongs to him...LOOK OUT-for the wrath of my reactive Little Johnny (SO NOT his name-so no worries). His wrath, which includes, but is not limited to: screaming and hitting, biting, kicking, swearing to loathe the other individual for all eternity)is not reserved for the occasion when he is put upon to share. Let's call it JW for Johnny's wrath-and JW can be unleashed at the drop of the hat (and by drop of the hat I mean primarily when I am on the phone with my boss-sad but true). JW comes out when Little Johnny can't get to the next level on his Wii game, when he gets in trouble, when his Little Sister does anything he doesn't like (as you can probably imagine-this occurs numerous times daily)...you name it. He actually has a bit of a unique situation that makes his explosiveness easier to understand, but not any easier to live with. On a good day, he can "play nice" for 80% of the day, maybe 85%...I think that is pretty typical for kids in general. Those days however, are few and far between...maybe one in seven.

Back to the lloonngg drawn out point-My son does not play nice. if given a choice...heehee...

On to the three year old and her limited understanding of preschooler etiquette (Does Emily Post do board books?)...My daughter is very sweet MOSTLY- but she has hit her tiresome threes in stride...so she instigates her brother (other than THAT she is extremely bright ;0) )...she also has my flair for the dramatic and her vocabulary consists mostly of "no, never and forever"...She (let's call her Tiny June) is more of a trouble maker. Outside of her instigating, she gets into ALL of my stuff. Sadly there is a lot of tempting girlie items to entice Little June...so on a daily basis, she is using my pink shampoo on her dry hair at the sink...getting into mommy's powder glitter liners and sampling the plethora of lip glosses, lotions and potions beckoning to her from my bedroom and every bathroom...Not fair really-like leaving safety pins and metal nail files around for a cutter...(sorry-bad analogy)...Little Judy also-"Does Not Play Well With Others"-she just adds her own flair to the label...maybe she will have a career in fashion at least...teehee

Blah, blah, blah- Time to be brief...Shmoops and I are both emotional and vocal and a bit dramatic. If a day passes that we do not have a some sort of trivial, yet somewhat unpleasant verbal exchange-it is only because he left the house before I woke up and I went to bed before he got home...Otherwise he surprised me with jewelry or other shiny distraction. So I suppose we may not always set the GREATEST example for the munchkins...I am sure we are not the ONLY flawed, human parents...teehee...Although our friends would have you believe they are the Cosby's...or Stepfords-take your pick.

Under closer scrutiny, I think that as we all get older and more set in our ways-After we have had more years to perfect our idiosyncrasies and to fully develop our narcissism...we actually become less capable or willing to see past or to deal with the things we deem as shortcomings in those around us. Be it our spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend,children, friends, siblings, parents, colleagues, neighbors-baristas...let's face it-the more moments we have spent on this conflict fraught earth-the less likely most of us are to take the abandoned, selfless high road. And-if we ALL feel this way...the ongoing battles of day to day life become increasingly more explicable and predictable...and well...hopeless...

Most days begin with a fresh perspective and a morning full of ideals. At that glistening moment after the first french vanilla'd and splenda'd to perfection cup of coffee- before reality sets in, living the golden rule seems completely accessible. Just a bit later, after Shmoops and I have bickered over who is preparing the Bagels. Little Johnny has melted down because he has decided he prefers Fruity Pebbles after the bagel is already toasted,schmeared and on the table. Tiny June has successfully emptied my latest cosmetic purchase on the new rug and the Puggle is in the backyard verbally harassing and equally offending all the neighbors within a five mile radius. At the moment that I have both the Monkeys dressed, coiffed and coated and we are hustling out the door for the second time in two minutes (I forgot the keys), the phone rings and it is a solicitor...

Playing nice is no longer in my repertoire...Did I mention that it is only ten a.m.?

At long last, there it is-my point!

"Playing Well With Others", is it a rule we have been oppressed by and as a result inflict on others? Or...something to aspire to...if we didn't have utopia as an ultimate (although impossible) goal...imagine where we would be then...Never mind...you need your sleep.

January 2, 2009

Getting Over Myself

So as I mentioned before, my family had a wedding reception to attend on New Years Eve. Seems lately as though everything takes more effort than it should. Packing in particular, I avoid like the plague...(let's say bubonic- cause it is the only one I know by name).Does not matter how far in advance I know about a trip and begin the packing process...I inevitably am up all night before a trip-choosing accessories and bagging liquids. Due to the fact that this was an overnight trip and was nestled between holidays...I successfully procrastinated until the last possible second...

Wednesday morning was insane. I was attempting to tie up some last minute work things...feed and dress my Little Monkeys...did I mention that I am utterly Domestically Challenged...and completely disorganized? On top of that, I have been ripping my currently uncoifed hair out trying to get my email synced on my new I Phone. The IT Department at Apple, nor the IT Boy at the office seem to know the dealie-o...so now I have no Blackberry...and essentially no I Phone...I am beginning to lose my calm collection. Oh also-my nearly three year old daughter is nearly potty trained...but piddled on the rug and my five year old son was melting down because he wanted me to get off the phone with Apple and call his Daddy to find out how to achieve the next level on Batman Legos for Wii. So my morning is frantic and exasperating, and Shmoops (My Husband) comes home at the tail end of this. It is nearly one o'clock and we are all still in our pajamas and not yet packed...I will spare you any predictable morsels from that interaction...

Okay- so that is the back story. In another hour we are all thrown together and in the car for an hour and a half trip-...equipped with happy meals and v-smiles...on the way to the hotel where the reception is to be held. We promised the kids pool time-so we get there...rush out of our clothes, into our suits, back to the room-into out wedding-wear and down for the festivities...Needless to say that after sitting through speeches, pictures and a wedding video-waiting for our turn at the taco bar and a few stereo typical wedding dances...my five and three year old were fried and ready to head back to the room (that was after the cupcakes of course)...Here is where I begin to feel a bit self absorbed.

Call me Crazy (I like it and will answer back...No, REALLY!)- but I actually adore dancing at weddings. Because of its silly, over the top-devil may care abandon and the Electric Slide (I said it!)...I rarely miss a beat-at least, that is how I see it! Teehee...Anyway, Shmoops "doesn't know how to put the kids to bed" (meaning they prefer me..Of course they do. Teehee...)...so he claims. I guess I have been a bit of an enabler in that department...but he uses that as a crutch as well. There it is- our friends, family and my Husband are downstairs welcoming in the wee hours of 2009 with cheezy dj commentary, silly hats and lots of holiday elixir- I am pouting because I was sent up at 9:30...and spent the next two hours trying to get the Munchkins to stop battling and giggling and go to sleep. Sometime shortly before midnight, I am sandwiched on a full sized hotel room bed between my son and daughter sleeping restlessly. I had long since surrendered trying to watch the Phantom of the Opera (with Gerard Butler-HUGE sacrifice)...because the Babies felt the need to watch with me and give the witty and profound criticism possessed only by Toddlers and Preschoolers. My second complimentary beverage untouched on the nightstand. Shmoops staggered clumsily in sometime around 2 a.m.

After a short night's sleep-kids are up at 7:45...and of course my husband rolls over and goes back to sleep. After my daughter and I take a bath and I get us both and my son dressed...Shmoops has the audacity to lumber out of bed and throw on a hat and scold and scowl at me for not being ready to go down to breakfast...Let me throw in that after we drive home...he proceeds to lay down on the couch for a two hour snooze and when I get a moment to shut my eyes after getting my daughter down for a nap...he makes a rukus doing Lord knows what...and I get an unacceptable twenty five minutes of beauty rest-which at this point...I need DESPERATELY! It pretty much goes on like that...we get into a tiff later because he is miffed that our daughter opted to defecate on the bathroom floor, rather than the potty. This of course was on his clock and I refused to clean up...into every life a little doodie must fall...right?

FINALLY- I arrive at my point. I love my children very much and am feeling a bit guilty and self absorbed about mourning the loss of fun from the New Year's Eve (Just)Past. I intentionally zoned out during the recaps of the previous evenings' antics while bitterly choking down my Complimentary Continental Breakfast (sounds delicious, right?) Not happy with my reaction. I consider my Bebe's company a blessing and that should have been plenty for me. Admittedly, my funk is aimed at Shmoops because it often feels to me as if I make more personal sacrifices than he does. Another position I wallow in far too often and admit in spite of myself...Know it is not a contest.

Sorry, that is five minutes of your life you will never get back. I do appreciate the free therapy however.

Here is to being less Self Centered In the New Year...and maybe getting out a bit more as well!;0)