December 16, 2009

Blow Out Your Candles...

Happy Birthday to you, this is your ddaayyyy...on this day for you, we're gonna' love you in every waaay. This is your day, your ddaaayy. Happy Birthday-to you, to you,to you, to you-Happy Birthday to you..." New Kids on the Block...Oh the tween drama, tear soaked , Love's Baby Soft scented fantasies...

Another year, another birthday. Can I just say? And don't say no- cause I am going to anyway...That birthdays are the VERY, berry best! Especially the birthdays of those that you adore. Being on both the giving and reciprocating end of a whole month of constant "I love yous" kisses, coffee, back rubs,lip gloss...and yes...getting one's way with more regularity is a definite perk...simply cannot be beat. It's a win-win really. And perhaps by "ones'" I really mean mine...and perhaps, by "perhaps"...I mean indubitably. Sorry, but who doesn't like getting their way? If you said "not me" I call "oh no you di-int"-I love you anyway, *kisses*...but embrace it...Pretend it's Gerard Butler in his ginormous boots, beard and 300 robe(rrrreerrrr), or a Victoria's Secret Angel (um...flutter, bounce?)Take your pick and hang on tight. Courage of your convictions and all that...

We have been over this, if we just sought and received our own way all of the time we would be grubby heinous monsters, or spoiled celebs-same dif (more phrases that don't make sense). But it is human to want our own way and as long as it doesn't cross the lines of reason or burst anothers' bubble-it is even alright...or splendiferously delectable to get what you want. If you never, ever get your way you end up like a powerless little puppy tied just short of a juicy steak. That is sad and cruel. Nobody looks good in constant defeat. Nobody. Just ask...___________. Hahaha well see, I can think of LOTS of examples here-but can't think of anyone I carry enough animosity for to call a LOSER- outright...So...use your imagination and fill in the blank your own precious self. In fact, I think that is why I hated the game SORRY! so much. Man I detest losing!...Plus...no one is REALLY sorry in that game. Should be called SO NOT SORRY... Oh the point again...pesky lil thing...always trying to allude me. So the song, the goofy hat, the candles, blow out...*eyes shut, pucker up and hoooooo...wish*....

THAT is the point....found it. Birthdays are fun...as a rule...There is icing and music and a little love fest and then you are forced to make an obligatory wish that you don't believe in...Just like you don't wish on stars but when you see one free falling slow and glittery from a velvety azure sky, you just can't help yourself. Generally speaking, while we are playing pretend. I figure why not go for the whole pinata?...So I wish in massive,parade float sized,fluffy blush marshmallow style cliches..."Happily ever afters, infinite wellness, gilded sun shiny skies, smiles for miles, gobs and gobs of sparkles, red wine fountains, and dark chocolate for breakfast...Maybe ultra pretty shoes and a great pigment shadow that stays put even in the sleet...chips and salsa of course...plus the new Glambert (aka Adam Lambert) CD". And outside of ranting blog posts, I don't breathe a word of it to anyone, well, cuz you're not supposed'ta...or else it won't come true...

Guess what? In small doses it will all come true-even if you tell your mama and she shouts it out to the neighborhood. The sun will shine and our hearts will overflow. We will be well while eating decadently dark chocolate, sipping maroon hued vino from big round glasses and being Mary (or whomever you wish to be that day...And? I know it's really "merry")...Even the evil we wished against will come to pass...We will wear one ultra glam shoe...but the other one will drop and we will cry tears and we will lose jobs, friends and ideals. Dreams will come true and hopes will shatter...It's all a trade off...and it is all life...and it is all sweet-even if bitterly so. If we can sing and dance our way through it (no one-but no one did this with more charismatic panache than Gene Kelly. Shout out-*jazz hands*)...feel the music, smell the emotion, taste the goodness, hear the sound that our arms make when they are thrown open to embrace it all...Maybe just maybe we will be wearing something really fabulous as we recover from our stumbles and trips...and perhaps there will be big strong arms to set us back onto our feet when we fall. If not? Grab a wall...or chair...almost the same (although almost, isn't quite there)So...the gist is this...

What makes birthdays, birthdays- is how truly remarkable it is that you have people in your life who gather around you and celebrate that you were born. That you are loved enough that someone is thankful for you. That is the gift. Everything else is icing...hopefully the type of butter cream frosting that melts on your tongue after weighing it down with its sugary richness...And so *whispering in hushed tones* I think from now on, every year-I am going to wish for another birthday and maybe another person at my party...

One year it won't come true, but hopefully I will be dancing for a long, long time...singing badly and proudly...maybe with Glam-bert screaming back up in guy liner, manscara and hip-gloss...just because that would be glammerific fabiliciousness.

Not sure if I am early or late? But a Very Happy Birthday to You Too!
*Confetti-laced hugs*

December 3, 2009

The Things That People Say

"My bad, SNAP, sweet, sick, seriously?, tight, phat,dawg, S'up?, homey, cool, man, dillly-o."

This is just a small sampling really of the slang buffet we have all grazed upon based on our moo-cow instincts to turn to the herd when looking for ways to pepper our self expression. I didn't miss the irony there, so I KNOW that you didn't. *Flashing neon I-R-O-N-I-C*...(Yes Alanis, it REALLY is...So-new verse?) Here is a short list of my current favorite phrases and words that have invaded our vernacular like little green aliens in a trailer park armed with probes...(That? is another day's study). So enjoy, hopefully laugh a little and feel my pain...

1. I'm not gonna' lie or To tell you the truth:
I hear this far more frequently than I care to, and I always cringe(hopefully imperceptibly-or else? There goes my mysterious ways). The reason for my disdain?
SHOULDN'T that go without saying? If one feels the need to put a header on WHEN they are actually telling the truth. Are we then to assume that everything else they have to say is the equivalent of Paul Bunyan and his big blue ox choppin' down cherry trees in an Easter Bunny suit and fibbin' about it to his pa-aka a hot steamy pile of...um...untruth??? To me, when I hear that? What really comes across is this:"Typically my nose reaches from here to Texas Pinocchio-style, cuz' I am a big,fat,bald-faced liar...but special just for you today *tossing cliff's notes to My Personal Truth* I am going to highlight the unwelcome semi-sincerity that occasionally spills from my lips against my will.Merry Christmas!" Honestly(<-did you get it, did you get it?) if anything, maybe we should spin the phrase to..."Hate to lie"...hopefully for most of us, untruth is the true rarity, not the unwelcome bullying intrusion of the truth on our otherwise perfectly dishonest existence.

2. Botched Words and Cliches:

None of us is perfect. Some of us...(I mean some of you) are closer than others...Laugh please...I am... We have ALL done this...Hopefully for our ego's sake we caught and remedied ASTAT. Mine was "For All Intensive Purposes"...Um...which in ACTUALITY is something that makes sense..."For All Intents And Purposes"...This is like confession for the verbally impaired...I imagine...How many "Our Fathers" for failing Cliches and Phraseology 101? Some of my favorites are: Supposibly,(aka Supposedly), Did a 360...(180?) Otherwise? Right back where you started from. Irregardless (regardless), Could care less (so you care a little then? COULDN'T care less)...The list goes on, and on and on. My mother is a professional Cliche Killer. Her fave is "We'll play it by year" That is a LONG time to make a plan! Mother...it is play it by EAR...as in take it as it happens...naturally...like the way music flows from the fingers of a musician...She could fill a book...kind of adorable, actually...once you get past the knee jerk nail on the chalk board wince. Cliches are cliche for a reason. Little anecdotes that have been proven true repeatedly through life experience and tested by history. So think through the ones that you use regularly-if they don't make sense...you may need to Google it. Check out Cliche's For Dummys from the liberry? (That was SO on purpose). You're welcome.

3. The Made Up-or-Hybrid Word-Name:

I am not only an abuser of this, but quite delight-if not SAVOR- creating my own language...All the better for us to understand each other my dear. You know...the way some of us add "ish or y" to the end of words to give them more flavor. Hybrid words are words like fantabulous (fantastically fabulous)...double the goodness, I say. The key here is to know your audience. Do not bust out your creatively, well-formed, best of both worlds language at a job interview or at your parents dinner party. Please just trust me...Save it for the beauterific, fabby-chic you choose to pass your non-laboring hours with...Why waste it on the simpletons? Another joke of course...Oh!But the Bennifer, Tom-Kat, Rob-sten junk...please, please GO AWAY...No, no...RIGHT NOW!!!

4. The Gross Overstatement:


Amazing,incredible,awesome,fantastic,gorgeous,insane,super,fabulous,beautiful,unbelievable,impressive!!!

All of these are handy pretty lil words that enhance what we have to say when something deserving comes along...However? The way that some of us toss them around as if they were words like...I don't know, alright, whatever, you know what I mean, okay, fine,swell, neato? We are quickly becoming the Peeps Who Cried AMAZING...Everybody in town runs to see what we are so crazy fired up and frenzied about. When they see that it was just say...a cup of lukewarm gas station coffee, or a BOGO trip to Payless Shoe Source...they eventually stop running when we tizzy. So what happens when we experience something truly breathtakingly unique and we want to share it with the class? Then due to our over exaggeration in the past -we have to wallow around in our blissy sumblimity (made up words....see? SO fun!) all by our lonesome. So don't cry FABULOUS...unless something is truly...well... fabulous. Easy peasy? Yes! Lemon squeezy.

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So...Whoop-there it is! The What To Say, How Not To Say It, And Whom To Shout It Out To...According To CJ....

Slang, phrases,and cliches can be fun...but Puh-leez be careful....Be selective! The goofy, freaky tweaky words you choose to express yourself, today? Become the neon scrunchie,linebacker shoulder pads of tomorrow. Take heed Shinys. And? Hopefully I avoided stepping on your tongue...um toes...whatever...