June 1, 2009

I Don't Want To Do List

Today is a gloomy summer Monday. Those should be forbidden. Anyway in the spirit of the weather...I am disgruntled...heehee...just like the way that word sounds and I don't even work for the post office. But still, I'm a tad disgruntled. I have been living life on the slacker side as of late so I have an untidy pile or two of undesirable tasks piled up in the corner...shrieking for my attention. I don't do well with shrieking...unless I am a party to it and it is in celebration of something shriek-worthy. Under less desirable circumstances,I would typically just avoid/flee from the shrieker (source of the insidious shrieking). In this case,I am risking getting my grown up card yanked... so I guess I will have to go with option two. Rather than avoidance I will beat it down Ali style (which means I get to mock, taunt and curse at it until it is down for the count...while remaining shiny. I'm Gonna'Knock You Out. Huah! Sparkle... Things are starting to look up.) So here is my list of victims...

1. Stripping. *buckabuckawowow*...(wait for it, wait for it...) The Beds...Not a huge deal, but just like the laundry I am far more skilled at the washing and drying part...Not a Martha at folding, hanging and hospital corners...Think her cellmate had potpourri made of orange peels and cinnamon from Tuesday's prison lunch? Just wondering...White collar crimes are bizarre that way...Remember the Sesame Street song? "One of these prisoners is doing her own thing...one of these inmates doesn't belong"...and poor Martha is in the bottom right quadrant attempting to crease her jump suit with the side of a laceless shoe...next to Maude the homicidal trucker under Yasmin the Black widow...diagonal from Butchy the mulleted woman who keeps chewing her face. Anyway...the beds. Platform free. Reserve those for Wednesday afternoons when it's hailing. Allegedly...

2. Packing...as in send myself packing. to the left, to the left...everything I own in a (suitcase) to the left. Love that song- but flick me if I ever attempt to purchase another Beyonce Cd (in the spirit of J-Lo's-three quality song limit per cd)hooray for single song purchase on I-Tunes and the movie crossover thingy for saving their careers...Think I have mentioned this all important life lesson previusly...Actually I am packing for a wedding(for which I will indubitably pack the wrong shoes or the wrong underwear...cursed by the Lack of Options Plague) and my Munchkins are staying with family so I have to pack them too. I abhor packing...I am so bashing the mommas of the smurf sized travel bottles while throwing elbows at the garment bag and sucker punching my army style rolled wrinkle free clothing (if there is such a thing I don't think I would own it because it probably also includes an adjustable waist...things clothes shouldn't posess for $500 please Alec. Btw...that rolly trick doesn't work for me either)...In the same spirit I need to go through all the kiddos clothes and pack up everything that they have outgrown. That one is going to have to shriek in my ear a bit longer...both monotonous and sad...sniff sniff- they grow like adorable little mutants at lightening speed. Or in New Moon speak- like werewolves. If it's not a vampire though, it's JUST not worth it...just ask Bella. Forget it what does she know? Ask me! Teehee.

3. Start my intensive Summer Workout Program. I really DO need to get going on this...my fascinating,alluring and tempting options are get up at the plumber's crack of dawn armed with taser to ward off the coyotes and walk REALLY far (and probably get lost) because I don't run unless I am being chased or challenged. Even then my she-go still only does sprints. Gutsy not stupid. Even I am not crazy enough to marathon...OR I can stay up extra late and work out then...this is much more likely to occur. Rather than walking fast and fighting wildlife at midnight I will engage in yoga and cardio training in the form of the twenty or so various dance related workout DVDs (Curse of the Grown Up Cheerleader)in my possession-ranging from Carmen Electra to the Core Dance Training set I got conned into by Len Goodman and insomnia...Regardless...I may lose the "intensive" part...but the Summer Workout must go on...I am apologizing in advance to my hair which I will soon be sleeping on directly after washing...I will make it up to you somehow. New hat? New do? New product? We'll work out the details later...

This is just the tip of my To Do iceberg. But I have to start somewhere..."Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow?" Mark Twain. A procrastinator after my own heart.

*Deep breath- in through the nose, out through the mouth. Sniff...hooooo*
Okay! Ready..."Fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee-ish"

Just as soon as I finish my second cup of coffee...

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