Neighbors in Barbie's Malibu Mansion

As an inhabitant of a typical American suburban neighborhood, I am a member of a standard American family. Husband, wife, two kids, a puggle and three betas. An atomic family...right? I have not taken Economics in at least a decade, so my terminology may be antiquated. Something about the term atomic reminds me of that movie Blast From the Past where Brendon Frasier and his family live in their basement/bomb shelter...starts in the fifties and somehow they are preserved in time and exit the capsule/shelter forty years or so later to a completely unrecognizable current day America.. Don't worry, you didn't miss anything. Anyway, I live the stereotypical Warhol twist on Rockwell's interpretation of the American ideal.

While I consider myself to be a friendly neighbor: I have house sat, watered plants, fed cats, had neighborhood children over for play dates...I even participated in "boo-ing" my neighbors last Halloween. Although it was not my idea, I try to be a good sport. Sorry though, I don't do casseroles or cookies. If I am going to play out domestic goddess for a day, my family own should be the the beneficiaries. Anyway, different from the Reid, Cleaver, Cunningham days of yore, being a good neighbor (in my mind at least) means offering assistance when it looks like your neighbor is in need and minding your own business when they don't. A bit of truth to the whole Robert Frost's "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors" thing. The redundant existence of suburban life however, often leaves little for an active imagination to entertain itself.For this reason, on particularly dull days I imagine that we are all neighbors in Barbie's Malibu mansion...you know, the big pink one with the violet deck and fuchsia swimming pool complete with floral decal adorned water slide. Sort of like Melrose Place but everything is done in shades of pink...blush and bashful, petal...the possibilities are endless. Oh...right! And everything is plastic...

Let me just say that I know the names of about eight people that live on our street, another sign of the times. I actually think it is kind of a sad state. Four of the eight neighbors I know, live in the same house. The rest...at least the ones that are within ten years of my own age...I have named after Barbies...or Ken dolls as the case may be. Allow me take you on a virtual tour...please take a ride with me in my hot pink convertible and don't forget to buckle up, I have stickers for headlights, not at all sure that meets safety guidelines.

One door down you will see Active Sport Ken...Active Sport Ken participates in every recreational activity known to Ken kind. He runs, bikes, roller blades, plays in line hockey...and although I don't know this for a fact, I am sure he swims, hikes and plays racquetball. He is not a Professional Trainer, so I imagine his job must be extremely flexible to allow for all of his athletic endeavors. IF I had to guess, Active Sport Ken has probably completed a dozen triathlons and taken first place in three. Active Sport Ken had an Active Sport Barbie. She drove a galaxy bowling ball blue convertible and had a bob. She moved out of the Barbie mansion to work in Chicago and now he has replaced her with Active Sport Skipper. They run together. Very um...racy? A.S.K. seems lovely, he once used his bionic speed to catch our runaway dog. He uses his powers for good.

If you will turn your attention across the hall, I will introduce you to Work Out Barbie. She keeps to herself for the most part. Of course we always do the smile and wave, anything else would be un-Barbie-like. However, due to our limited social interaction, I struggle every time I see her because although she has told me her actual name at least three times in the last year,it always escapes me...So I have to secretly get her to reveal it every time the uncomfortable situation presents itself. This is getting more challenging to do discreetly. Work Out Barbie is single, at least I think she is now. She dated a goofy looking guy that wore jean shorts and ankle socks, but I haven't seen him around in awhile. He disappeared right around the same time as Active Sport Barbie. Thought Active Sport Ken and Work out Barbie might hookup. But sadly, no....that would have been so deliciously Desperate Housewives. She does however, mow the lawn all by herself which I find very impressive because she is about five-foot-nothing. That-and as the youngest of three girls, I have never mowed a lawn in my life. Let me add that my college aged boy cousins love ogling Work Out Barbie mowing when they come to visit in the summer because they can watch her work from the comfort of our couch. I don't think she is an actual aerobic instructor, but she looks like one, minus the wristbands,leotard and leg warmers....I wish she would wear that perfect wardrobe for the Barbie Dream House.

Follow me if you will, up the street um...stairs. Here we will meet a tall, tan, rugged couple. I like to call them Outdoor Barbie and Ken, or perhaps Field and Stream Barbie and Ken?...Track and Trail? Anyway they have two little outdoor tykes in their brood, complete with toddler sized Timberlands and quilted sub zero vests. Outdoor Barbie and Ken are not very creatively named. They camp and kayak and ride the bikes with the wheeled, covered ride alongs for the little ones. If it can legally be done outside, I am pretty sure they do it. They come complete with a moss green Subaru Outback...so they can blend perfectly into their rugged surroundings. Field and Stream Barbie is also the street organizer/camp counselor. She is always coming up with some sort of scavenger hunt type activity or another for the entire street to join in. Field and Stream/Outdoor Barbie and Ken don't talk much...but they seem very pleasant. I think their quiet nature has likely developed because conversation is difficult over the roar of the rushing rivers and it is best to keep quiet when canoodling with ravenous bears. Also don't want to frighten the fish away.

That is the last stop on our tour. I hope you enjoyed Barbie Mansion Tours and enjoyed meeting the tenants. Please exit to the right side of the vehicle.Yadda, yadda, yadda...

Again, with the good fences thing. I am not at all voyeuristic. I am however observant and though I know nothing of their actual lives, (nor do I care to)...it can occasionally be intriguing to use my superficial observations to aptly name the neighbors after Mattel toys. Try it sometime. You might like it. In the meantime pool party anyone?