January 4, 2010

A Hermit-ess New Year's Eve

"Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind...lalalalalalalala in days of auld lang syne." (By the way, I looked it up. It means: long,long ago, or days gone by. Thank you Wiki!)

...Oh the songs drunken people slur...

Well? I have Munchkins and finding a sitter on New Year's Eve is like finding a Kevin Costner movie where he doesn't play himself-it simply doesn't happen. My favorite though? Is the film where he plays the washed up athlete. Maybe you have seen it? It was either called Bull Durham, Tin Cup, or For The Love of the Game-not sure which (wink, wink). Also, I have no desire to go downtown. No unearthed internal hunger to pay twenty bucks only to park a mile away and have intoxicated phrat-like strangers breathe jager-nacho breath down my neck or vomit in my Choo's in a sardine crowded bar blaring bad music, at ear drum splitting volume. Alright...that is wishful thinking-the Choo's - not the vomit or the techno. So generally speaking, I prefer to spend Amateur Night-aka New Years Eve...indoors.

Should I miss the good old days of celebrating downtown? I can just drink one martini too many and slur nonsensically to the puggle in my poorly lit front room while dancing a bit too freely to Brick House- problem solved. Also, it is winter and it's cold...If I am going to venture out at night in frigid temperatures? I need an advance guarantee that my efforts will be more than warranted. Always thought it was more fun to get ready to go out on New Year's than it was to actually go out...similar to prom.Yes? WOW! I am becoming a bar snob in my slightly less than super young years. I still like to have fun, delight in painting the town "I'm Not a Waitress-Red"...just any night BUT New Years Eve. Also...think that I was maybe twenty four-when I developed a serious case of the Stop-Touching-Me's in relation to small enclosed areas...not conducive to the club scene, Black Friday, or visiting my mother. Why is it that mom's do that? The preening thing. I am not a monkey, not a toddler...nor is my face crying out for a slobber wash-it is called a sink-and I have one...running water and all. Look Mom, MAGIC! Well it is not THAT bad, just that my mom- whom I love...seems to have forgotten all about my personal space and um...how to not ask inappropriate questions. Still trying to find the app for that.HELP???!!

So the long and the short of it...Spent New Year's Eve with the Fam at the Chinese Buffet (Moo-moo. Sneeze guards and cattle calls... Yes I Know) it is Boy 6's favorite eatery. Had plans to take them to the Squeakqual...but apparently Monkey Man chomped one too many pot stickers and tossed his fortune cookies...all over his unbuttoned jeans. Again with the yak-factor...sorry. Perhaps it is just obligatory for this particular holiday? So instead headed home for G-Force. The Gerbil movie with the Black Eyed Pea soundtrack...and the bearded satchel guy from Hangover-strange combo...but whateva. Made me realize that every danceable song of 2009 was cut by the Black Eyed Peas or Lady Gaga...side note. Then later, watched Fight Club...and pretended it was 1999. How I have not seen it until now, and how no one has managed to blow (pun intended) the ending-is beyond me. Let's not examine the innumerable items also included on the "Beyond CJ List" okay?

When that was over, tuned in for the obligatory ball drop in New York City. First, I miss Dick Clark and think he has been so brave and classy through all of his health issues and I love that he still has a presence on New Year's Rockin' Eve. Second, I am not sure why...but Ryan Secrest hardly seems to be the man for the job. Aside from the fact that it is STILL called Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin Eve. I feel sort of mean, but Ryan reminds me of that boy in high school who went stag to Sadie Hawkins because no girl was worthy of his not-so quippy jargon or would allow enough room in his mom's wood paneled station wagon for his over inflated ego to ride shotgun...IF that guy had existed. Guess I refuse to like him because he clearly likes himself and his off the chart cheese factor enough for the rest of us. Think with all his dough he could hire a decent stylist and buy a shirt that fits. ANYWAY... there were also performances by...Daughtery, J-Lo in a black lace cat suit that would not have looked good on anyone-or it WOULD have looked fab on her...She should call for her fashion consultants head on a blinged out platter. Oh! And the Black-Eyed Peas!!!...*Pausing for surprised gasp* Mazel tov!

And that was pretty much it. That? Is how this Hermit-ess spent New Year's Eve. Chinese, Gerbils, Decade Old Movies viewed for the first time, Lil dancin it out to Boom Boom Pow and some vino. Red-of course....No complaints whatsoever.

Where were you when the year slipped out? Raising the roof...or huddled up beneath it? Regardless, I hope that it was worth it's weight in confetti and included a cardboard tiara and flat champagne. After all, we (or at least you) deserve the very best.

*Tossing you a Hallmark card*

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