December 3, 2009

The Things That People Say

"My bad, SNAP, sweet, sick, seriously?, tight, phat,dawg, S'up?, homey, cool, man, dillly-o."

This is just a small sampling really of the slang buffet we have all grazed upon based on our moo-cow instincts to turn to the herd when looking for ways to pepper our self expression. I didn't miss the irony there, so I KNOW that you didn't. *Flashing neon I-R-O-N-I-C*...(Yes Alanis, it REALLY is...So-new verse?) Here is a short list of my current favorite phrases and words that have invaded our vernacular like little green aliens in a trailer park armed with probes...(That? is another day's study). So enjoy, hopefully laugh a little and feel my pain...

1. I'm not gonna' lie or To tell you the truth:
I hear this far more frequently than I care to, and I always cringe(hopefully imperceptibly-or else? There goes my mysterious ways). The reason for my disdain?
SHOULDN'T that go without saying? If one feels the need to put a header on WHEN they are actually telling the truth. Are we then to assume that everything else they have to say is the equivalent of Paul Bunyan and his big blue ox choppin' down cherry trees in an Easter Bunny suit and fibbin' about it to his pa-aka a hot steamy pile of...um...untruth??? To me, when I hear that? What really comes across is this:"Typically my nose reaches from here to Texas Pinocchio-style, cuz' I am a big,fat,bald-faced liar...but special just for you today *tossing cliff's notes to My Personal Truth* I am going to highlight the unwelcome semi-sincerity that occasionally spills from my lips against my will.Merry Christmas!" Honestly(<-did you get it, did you get it?) if anything, maybe we should spin the phrase to..."Hate to lie"...hopefully for most of us, untruth is the true rarity, not the unwelcome bullying intrusion of the truth on our otherwise perfectly dishonest existence.

2. Botched Words and Cliches:

None of us is perfect. Some of us...(I mean some of you) are closer than others...Laugh please...I am... We have ALL done this...Hopefully for our ego's sake we caught and remedied ASTAT. Mine was "For All Intensive Purposes"...Um...which in ACTUALITY is something that makes sense..."For All Intents And Purposes"...This is like confession for the verbally impaired...I imagine...How many "Our Fathers" for failing Cliches and Phraseology 101? Some of my favorites are: Supposibly,(aka Supposedly), Did a 360...(180?) Otherwise? Right back where you started from. Irregardless (regardless), Could care less (so you care a little then? COULDN'T care less)...The list goes on, and on and on. My mother is a professional Cliche Killer. Her fave is "We'll play it by year" That is a LONG time to make a plan! Mother...it is play it by EAR...as in take it as it happens...naturally...like the way music flows from the fingers of a musician...She could fill a book...kind of adorable, actually...once you get past the knee jerk nail on the chalk board wince. Cliches are cliche for a reason. Little anecdotes that have been proven true repeatedly through life experience and tested by history. So think through the ones that you use regularly-if they don't make sense...you may need to Google it. Check out Cliche's For Dummys from the liberry? (That was SO on purpose). You're welcome.

3. The Made Up-or-Hybrid Word-Name:

I am not only an abuser of this, but quite delight-if not SAVOR- creating my own language...All the better for us to understand each other my dear. You know...the way some of us add "ish or y" to the end of words to give them more flavor. Hybrid words are words like fantabulous (fantastically fabulous)...double the goodness, I say. The key here is to know your audience. Do not bust out your creatively, well-formed, best of both worlds language at a job interview or at your parents dinner party. Please just trust me...Save it for the beauterific, fabby-chic you choose to pass your non-laboring hours with...Why waste it on the simpletons? Another joke of course...Oh!But the Bennifer, Tom-Kat, Rob-sten junk...please, please GO AWAY...No, no...RIGHT NOW!!!

4. The Gross Overstatement:


Amazing,incredible,awesome,fantastic,gorgeous,insane,super,fabulous,beautiful,unbelievable,impressive!!!

All of these are handy pretty lil words that enhance what we have to say when something deserving comes along...However? The way that some of us toss them around as if they were words like...I don't know, alright, whatever, you know what I mean, okay, fine,swell, neato? We are quickly becoming the Peeps Who Cried AMAZING...Everybody in town runs to see what we are so crazy fired up and frenzied about. When they see that it was just say...a cup of lukewarm gas station coffee, or a BOGO trip to Payless Shoe Source...they eventually stop running when we tizzy. So what happens when we experience something truly breathtakingly unique and we want to share it with the class? Then due to our over exaggeration in the past -we have to wallow around in our blissy sumblimity (made up words....see? SO fun!) all by our lonesome. So don't cry FABULOUS...unless something is truly...well... fabulous. Easy peasy? Yes! Lemon squeezy.

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So...Whoop-there it is! The What To Say, How Not To Say It, And Whom To Shout It Out To...According To CJ....

Slang, phrases,and cliches can be fun...but Puh-leez be careful....Be selective! The goofy, freaky tweaky words you choose to express yourself, today? Become the neon scrunchie,linebacker shoulder pads of tomorrow. Take heed Shinys. And? Hopefully I avoided stepping on your tongue...um toes...whatever...

3 comments:

In the Know with Shea-Noel said...

Awesome! This was simply amazing. I'm not gonna lie. Lol!!! Totally kidding on the slang. I love reading your posts!!!! So much fun! Thanks for keeping us all shiny too!

Amy Akomas said...

"Impressive!" Okay, I did not just do that. LOL!!! Neat reminder & I took notes too. Make me the overly-used words police & Ima be arresting lots of folks :)

Unknown said...

I'd been noticing the laziness in my own speech patterns lately,such as the over use of the word, awesome.The poor word needs to be retired or at least deserves a long rest! Appreciate both your humor and the reminder, hopefully the next time the "a" word starts to slide out of my mouth I'll remember to be less mechanical and more present. There are so many great words in the English language that most of us don't even use or know the meaning of anymore-if ever. And how about the Eskimos with 100 words for snow? Wonder if they have this issue? Somehow I doubt it.