April 5, 2009

Fast and Furious...Worth it's Weight in Diesel

Gentlemen Start My Engine...

Vvrrrooommmm, Vrrroooommmm, Vrrroooooommmmmm...

Heehee-Sorry, that simply was NOT to be resisted. Too obvious. I would be a lesser girl for passing it up.

Went to see Fast and Furious yesterday...I have been chomping at the bit to see it (or I would have been, had I been a horse-Why DO I use these expressions anyway?) since I saw the preview for it and witnessed first hand that Vin Diesel WOULD (round off, cartwheel into splits) in fact be in this one...COMPLETELY the most persuasive element for me. I sat the two sequels following the original out because they did not include the original cast. There was a little nod to the Tokyo one at the beginning of Fast and Furious that I caught without having seen it-very impressed with my skills of observation. So, I am easily impressed...at least with myself. Why I like Ellen and John Stewart...feel clever when I get their jokes in real time. Other than that little reference,this F&F pretended the other cheap impersonation knock-off movies never happened. Well played since nobody saw them. Okay so Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez and the girl who plays Vin's sister and will make a career of looking a bit like Demi Moore-I mean, Jordana Brewster- all back for Fast and Furious. Do you like how they removed the "The's" and pretended it was an all new title? Action movies are by definition uncomplicated. They would lose seventy percent of their audience if they started throwing in fifty cent words and sub plots. This movie was exactly what the title promises however, Fast and Furious. Ca-ching! Triple cherries.

Let me just say that previous to yesterday, I had given up action movies (for a minimum of five years). Not for lent- I am not Catholic- (can you give action movies up for lent? Pretend you ACTUALLY like them...) but for the following reasons...I feel myself drifting into a cliche tinted de ja vous coma every time I witness the same five or so actors deliver the same predictable lines ( I predicted at least five in F&F before they were uttered -correction...Vin purrs them-like an engine. SO MUCH BETTER x-)) All the same "plot" lines...for example- heroes girlfriend, wife, or endearing family member is killed or kidnapped by villain. Hero is wrongly accused of a crime by a corrupt police force. Hero from the wrong side of the tracks get tangled with the wrong kind of crowd...Hero is a bad guy with a heart of gold...bad guy gone good...blah, blah, blah. Bank robberies ,car chases, plane crashes, jail breaks, heists. Loss of a partner or good friend at the hands of the foe to provoke the hero. Obvious guilt on the part of the hero...giving him a renewed hunger for justice. Gratuitous skin shots thrown in for flavor..Followed by shoot shoot-grisly offing of assistant bad guy boom kabaam...Hero gets his revenge when coming face to face with his disturbingly corrupt nemesis (these are of the crooked police chief, foreign drug lord, hero partner gone to the dark side...handsome Bond type villain...or devily gorgeous leather clad villainess variety. Frequently however, villains have deep facial scarring or are albino, or have some other bizarre identifying manifestation of their inner turmoil.)...drop, punch, slam, sirens, bang, fiery explosion...

Insert memorable three to five line catch phrase that with any luck will be badly impersonated for years to come and you have yourself an action hit. If your action movie stars Nicholas Cage- add horribly executed southern dialect...why do they add that when it is irrelevant and the actor can't pull it off? Why? They just don't care-people with see it anyway. Irrelevant. Who needs quality when you have fast cars, muscly heroes, hot scantily clad chicks, grizzly villains, fabulous scenery, lots of fire and violence...a few well choreographed fist fights, a story line and script that could be written by an eighth grader with a limitless major studio budget? I guess no one,...except me- I usually opt for the Action Films mature and oh so much more enticing older brother- the Epic Film. That way I get my cake and eat it too...only the butter cream icing...

I am not even going to delve into the earthly disaster films. Why pay money to see that...Got CNN? Pretty sure sensationalizing news and impersonating disaster films is the soul purpose of Anderson Cooper...Toss in Geraldo Rivera for the spontaneous, comedic element and voile obliterates any inexplicable need for disaster movies.

So the point. Fast and Furious. Dom and his gang- with some new additions as many of the original group met an untimely end in THE Fast and THE Furious- not to cause any confusion- are not only stealing cars, they are stealing gasoline. Way to bring theft relevance into the year 2009... Dom eventually leaves Letty, his friends and his family to protect them because the feds are on his tail...and why wouldn't they be? Right? We ARE talking Vin Diesel...admirable tail. Sorry! Focusing... Paul Walkers character is still the loose canon, driven man in blue...sorta' sometimes donning a blue Donna Karan or Boss suit- does that count?...Btw- even in man size-Paul Walker (as Brian O'Conner) brings forth visions of Ricky Shroeder when he was on Silver Spoons, Zach from Saved by the Bell and Justin Timberlake in his curly long hair like the boy in the creepy adolescent Brooke Shield island movie N'Sync days...I think it is an age thing. That- or he is made to look like the JV squad bench sitter in the glory of Vin's machismo gladiator grease stained mechanic type shadow. I don't want to give too much away. Obviously the two are reunited...they race against each other in an illegal street race scene and of course true to the name- lots of sizzling driving scenes with brightly colored, revvy, purry, hummy, noisy,turny,jumpy,crashy,super shiny,ultra fast cars doing all sorts of unbelievable tricks and stunts that made me shiver. Things that I have no inclination to do behind the wheel of a Honda Pilot, but I would gladly hand over the keys to Dom...as long as he promised to keep talking in that voice that sounds like he ate gravel and broken glass for breakfast followed by a carton or two of Camels...unfiltered. He can recite the preamble if he wishes...but if I had my druthers...(another funny word) I think I would pick Prince lyrics...pre symbol...or Neruda, or Crash by Dave Matthews, something by Jay-Z...Maybe Fast Car by Tracy Chapman...and wear a white ribbed wife beater...Pure-strike that- drizzled...in Deisel-iciousness...That's not asking too much. Just the cat's pajamas- told you I was bringing it back. Hear me roar...

Anyway a must see- in a purely entertainment and thrills kind of way.

Get your engine revved.

2 comments:

Pat R said...

Fast and Furious 4 is worth avoiding for the sole reason that Michelle Rodriguez is in it

Gigi-Gray said...

No spoilers. But if you are not a Michelle Rodriguez fan- stay tuned. May want to check this one ;0)